is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
