I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize