dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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