dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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