since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
