the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
