The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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