my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
