is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
