I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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