I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
birth control should be required to get into college
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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