Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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