Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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