Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
