when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
