i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
