I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
