When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Randomize
