Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
