why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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