We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
