we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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