i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
