So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
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Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
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I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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