my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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