i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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