my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
