How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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