stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
