She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
