I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
