I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
