He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
