She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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