If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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