Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
