im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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