loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
