You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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