I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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