"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
