so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
