i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
