I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
