You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
