this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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