I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
