Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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