My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
