she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
