Redeem this text for a blowjob
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Your penis caused this!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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