Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
