But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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