I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
