so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
