Someone shit on the floor
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
