Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Randomize
