oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Too much gin, very little bucket
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
