At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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