i barfeds in our rink
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
