my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
