he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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