you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
