Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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