How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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