Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
