I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
