ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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