You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize