i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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