I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
