I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
