No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
