It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
