I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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