when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
