I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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