about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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