I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
