I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
