were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
