My first STD was from a foam party
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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