I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
