You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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