i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
