By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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