Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I lost the right to judge tonight
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
